Albie leans
on his walking stick, and I link my arm through his as we step off the bus.
“Are you sure you’re up to this?” I ask him, pulling my dark glasses
down over my eyes. The late afternoon summer sun is still high in the sky, and
it’s been a blisteringly hot day today, which is why I’m a little worried about
Albie.
“I’m not dead yet, Thea.”
He most definitely isn’t, but he’s not exactly training for this year’s
Great North Run either. He’s seventy-seven, and despite being relatively fit
for a man of his age he shouldn’t be overdoing things in this heat. Nobody
should, it’s ridiculously hot.
“I like these walks along the Quayside.” Albie stops for a moment, looks
at me, and smiles. “And I like these walks because I’m walking with you.”
I squeeze his arm as we start moving again. “I just don’t want you wearing
yourself out, that’s all. Maybe it’s too hot out here for you today.”
“Stop fussing. It’s fine – I’m fine. And we’ve brought plenty of
water with us, haven’t we. I like to keep active, Thea, whatever the weather. I’ve
a lot of years left in me yet, you know.”
I hope he’s right. I’ve grown quite attached to this wonderful, if not
extremely stubborn, man ever since he moved into my street a little over a year
and a half ago, around the time Dean and I had started to have problems, for
want of a better word. I’d started visiting Albie as a distraction, I suppose,
more than anything else. I’d just wanted to make sure, seeing as he lived
alone, that he had everything he needed. And he did. Fiercely independent is an
understatement when describing Albie Fletcher, he most definitely is not someone
who likes a fuss being made of him. Of anything, really. And the more I got to
know him, the more I liked being around him; I loved talking to him, hearing
his stories. Now he’s like a surrogate grandad, seeing as I never got to meet my
own grandparents. He’s one of my closest friends, he’s like family really. That’s
how I think of him now. As family. I care about him, a lot, and the reason why
I fuss so much is because I’d quite like him to stick around for a little while
longer yet.
We cross the road and stop for a moment, looking up at the iconic – if
you’re from this neck of the woods, anyway – Tyne Bridge, its looming presence
filling the sky.
“So much has changed,” Albie sighs, and it’s like he’s almost speaking
to himself. “Especially around here. This place used to look very different
when I was your age.”
“Times were better back then, huh?”
He looks at me, narrowing his eyes slightly. “I’m not some old fool
who’s hankering for the good old days, Thea. I’ve just lived through a lot of
changes. And not all of them have been good.” He starts to look around him, shifting
his weight back onto his walking stick. “But others…” He shakes his head and
lets that sentence tail off, and I wonder what he was going to say, but I don’t
push it.
“Come on. Let’s go for that walk.” I give his arm a gentle tug and we
start moving again, heading underneath the bridge as we make our way down onto
the Quayside.
Albie’s right, though. This place did used to look very different. Once
a commercial dock, the Quayside is now primarily known for its stylish bars and
restaurants, whilst over the river on the Gateshead side of the bank there’s
the famous Baltic Centre for Contemporary Art and the Glasshouse International
Centre for Music. This area now feels more like a mixture of bohemian and
super-trendy with its swanky hotels and expensive apartment blocks, but it’s
also managed to keep a lot of its charm, which is never more apparent than on
Sundays when the Quayside market is on, selling everything from local arts and
crafts to street food. I love it down here at weekends. Dean and I used to come
here a lot for a Sunday morning mooch around the stalls. I haven’t come down so
often since we separated because it feels a little strange doing it on my own,
even though it shouldn’t. I absolutely do not want him back, and it’s been over
eighteen months now, I should be moving on. I have no idea why I’m finding that
so difficult to do.
It's incredibly busy down here this afternoon, which isn’t surprising,
given the weather. The bars are full of people sitting outside, taking in the
views, and the atmosphere’s heady with laughter and chatter and the sound of
music coming from somewhere. It’s a perfect summer’s afternoon, and I look at
Albie, and we both smile at each other. I love spending time with this man,
he’s been a godsend to me since Dean and I split up. I don’t know what I
would’ve done without him, to be honest. He came into my life at just the right
time. Practically perfect. If I believed in guardian angels I’d almost believe
he was one.
“How’s Kieran doing?” Albie asks as we stop to look out over the river.
“Has the divorce been finalised yet?”
“Not yet. I think Gemma’s being a touch petty if you ask me, but then
I’m biased. I love Kieran, I never really liked her.”
Albie smiles wryly. “Did you ever give her a chance?”
“Of course I did! But sometimes you just get a feeling about people,
you know?”
Albie sighs quietly, his expression taking on a wistful turn as he
stares out ahead of him. “Yes. I do.”
“Well, I got a feeling about her. Gemma, I mean. She was never
right for Kieran.”
Albie shakes his head, but when he looks back at me he’s smiling again.
“You really care about Kieran, don’t you?”
“He’s like a brother to me. He’s family.”
And that’s no word of a lie. Kieran James is my best friend. We grew up
together in the North East seaside town of Whitley Bay; went to the same
schools, trained at the same college, and now we both work at the same hair
salon. Our hair salon. Unity. We went into business together a little over
ten years ago and we’ve never looked back. I love my job, I love working with
my best friend. My life is pretty good, it really is, but for the past few
months, for some reason, and one probably linked to mine and Dean’s break up,
an element of pessimism has started to set in as far as relationships are
concerned. Romantic relationships. Finding that person I want to spend the rest
of my life with, I’m feeling as if it’s never going to happen. And, okay, I
haven’t exactly been active on the dating front. I hate the idea of apps and my
social life these days consists of me picking up a bottle of wine on the way
home, cooking a meal for one and spending
the evening on the sofa binge watching something on one of the streaming
servies. And that’s my fault, I could go out if I wanted to, god knows Kieran
tries his best to get me out of the house every now and again, but, more often
than not, I’m happier at home. On my own. But if I want to find someone to
share my life with, I can’t do that forever. I can’t keep wallowing in
self-pity because the man I’d thought I loved turned out to be a no-good,
cheating prick. It’s hard, though. That happy-ever-after most people are
looking for, mine seems to have disappeared from view completely now. But it
hasn’t stopped me from hoping I might still find it, one day. Even if it means
getting off my backside and getting out there again. Which I will do, at some
point. Soon. Maybe.
Albie and I continue our walk, stopping every now and again to chat to
people. Albie seems to know everyone, and it breaks my heart that he never
found that special someone. He never married, never had kids; doesn’t have any
family to my knowledge, he’s never mentioned anyone anyway. But then, I don’t
exactly have much family to speak of, either. Both my parents are dead. I was
just ten years old when my dad died at the age of just thirty-two from an
undiagnosed heart condition, and then seven years later my mum was killed in a
car accident, along with her brother, sister and two cousins on their way back
from a festival leaving me, at the age of seventeen, alone. I have another aunt
I’ve never met before, and a couple more cousins I barely know over in New
Zealand, we never really speak. We’ve never met, so to all intents and purposes
we’re strangers. Kieran – his family, they’re my only family now. And Albie,
too. I guess I’m a bit of a loner, in reality, even when Dean was around I’d
still like my own space. My own company. I’ve never really had a huge group of
girlfriends or a big social circle, and I’ve always been okay with that. I
never used to mind being alone. I’m not liking being alone all that much
anymore, for some reason.
My phone ringing out startles me, and Albie grins as I roll my eyes,
fishing around in my oversized handbag for my mobile. “It’s Kieran.”
“Then you’d better answer it. I’ve just spotted George and Elsa Martin
over there, and I need a word with them about the Wednesday Club’s Blackpool
trip.”
“Will you be okay…?”
“Thea, I’m not as frail as you think I am. I can manage to walk the few
steps over to George without falling on my arse.”
Of course he can. I don’t know why I’m so protective of him lately, but
I am. I can’t help it.
I swipe to answer the call, putting it to my ear. “Hey, Kieran.”
“Where are you?”
“Down on the Quayside, with Albie.”
“Fancy meeting up later? I’m at a bit of a loose end. Five-a-side’s
been cancelled and I don’t much fancy a night on my own in front of the TV.”
“We’re going for something to eat soon, why don’t you join us? Albie
would love to see you.”
“Yeah. I haven’t seen the old guy in a while. And I could murder a
plate of fish and chips with extra mushy peas.”
“The Brackley Arms? In an hour?”
“See you there.”
“I’ll get the drinks in.”
I hang up and look over to where Albie and his friends are standing
chatting away, and for a moment or two I just watch him, this kind, warm, funny
man that everyone seems to gravitate towards. Why he couldn’t find anyone to
share his life with, it’s something I still don’t understand. Any woman
would’ve been lucky to have a man like Albie, I’m sure. But every time I ask
him why he never married he just tells me the right person never came along. And
I wonder if I’m going to be like him, alone, forever, because I can’t find the
right person.
Shaking another bout of self-pity away, I smile as Albie starts to make
his way back over to me, and I walk towards him, taking his arm as we fall into
step alongside one another.
“How are George and Elsa?” I ask.
“Elsa’s still getting used to the new hip, but she’s feeling a lot
better now. I think she’s enjoying making George do the lion’s share of all the
housework if you ask me.”
“I’d tell her to milk it for as long as she can.”
We look at each other and laugh, and I squeeze his arm tight, this man
deserves so much happiness. Has he really been happy all these years, on his
own? He tells me he has, and maybe it’s the truth. Maybe some people feel like
they don’t need another person to make them whole. To make them happy. And
maybe others do.
“I’m fine, Thea.”
Our eyes meet, and I frown. Could he tell what I was thinking?
“I see that look on your face all too often. Don’t waste your time
worrying about me, do you hear? Live your life, and make sure it’s one with no
regrets.”
“Not sure I can do that,” I sigh, “when I’ve already got a ton of
them.”
“Then make sure you have no more. I’m serious, Thea. Live a life you
enjoy.”
I cock my head and smile slightly. “Okay. I mean, I’ll try.”
“You do that. Now, are we going for something to eat?”
“The Brackley Arms?”
He looks at me and grins. “Where else?”
The Brackley
Arms is an old-style pub on the corner of a cobbled street just a stone’s throw
away from the city centre. In the winter it’s warm and cosy with a real fire
roaring away in the main bar, but right now it’s the height of summer and every
door and window has been flung open to let in as much air as possible. We’ve
managed to bag a table close to an open door and right beside an open window
which is, thankfully, letting in a slight breeze.
This pub is one of Albie’s favourites. He comes here every time he’s in
town, and even though it’s a bit more on the traditional side, I like it. The
atmosphere’s always friendly and welcoming and the food is really good, with
almost everything on the menu home cooked, right down to the chips. A bowl of
those with curry sauce or gravy is a must-have.
“There you go.” I set three pints down on the table. “And I’ve ordered
our food, with extra gravy for you.”
Albie smiles and throws me a wink before sinking a draft of his
favourite bitter. “Any sign of Kieran?”
“He’s on his way. Bus was a little late.”
I sit back in my seat and cast a glance around the pub. It’s just
coming up to five 0’clock on a Monday afternoon, so the place isn’t overly
busy, but they do an early-bird menu up until six pm so there are a few people,
like us, taking advantage of that. And the smell of the food as it’s being
brought out to customers is making me realise just how hungry I am, and I can’t
wait to tuck into the chicken burger with homemade, thick-cut chips and a side
portion of onion rings I’ve just ordered. My stomach’s rumbling pretty loudly
right now, but that’ll teach me to skip lunch.
Taking another sip of my IPA I watch as Albie turns around in his seat
to greet a tall, grey-haired man in a colourful shirt and pale-blue pants. He
looks a little younger than Albie, but then Albie has friends of all ages. He
has an aura around him that makes people want to talk to him, I suppose you’d
describe him as charismatic. Or just plain friendly, I don’t know, he’s one of
those people that make it easy for you to get along with them. I feel lucky to
have him in my life. Very lucky.
I lean forward and tap him gently on the arm to get his attention, and
he turns his head to look at me.
“I’m just going to pop out and see if Kieran’s coming.”
Albie nods and resumes his conversation.
I get up and head outside, walking a little further along the cobbled
street as I reach for my phone. I’ll call Kieran. See if he’s on his way yet. But,
for some reason, I can’t get a signal, which is strange. I try again. Still no
signal. So I give up and slide my phone back into my pocket, but instead of
heading back to the pub I walk a little further along the street, looking up as
a blanket of dark-grey cloud causes the temperature to drop quite suddenly, and
I frown. Where did those clouds come from? It was blazing sunshine not two
seconds ago with no sign of a cloud in the sky.
Pushing my dark glasses up onto my head I turn around and start to walk
back towards the pub, past the shops and restaurants that line this pretty
little street, all of them housed in old-style buildings that give everything
an almost quaint feel. There’s a tattoo and piercing studio; a nail salon; a
small clothing store; an Italian restaurant, to name just a few of the businesses
on this cobbled street. Pots of brightly coloured flowers stand outside the
clothes store and the nail salon; hanging baskets with cascading lobelia and
fuchsias hang either side of the Italian restaurant’s eye-catching red door,
it’s actually quite picturesque. I’ve never really stopped to think about it
before, but now, yeah. It’s really pretty.
I smile to myself as I continue walking, but then, all of a sudden, I’m
overcome with a feeling of – I don’t know. I can only describe it as dizziness.
I feel extremely light-headed, and I duck into a nearby archway, leaning back
against the wall as I try to catch my breath, closing my eyes for a second or
two. It can’t be the alcohol, I’ve only had a couple of sips of my pint, but whatever
it is, it came on without any warning. And then, almost as quicky as it came on
the dizziness subsides, but something still doesn’t feel right. And it takes a
second or two before I realise, but as I emerge from the archway and look
across the street, the clothes store that had been there before, it’s not there
anymore. Or have I just walked further than I thought I had? I blink a few
times, shake my head, and take another look around. No. There’s definitely no clothes
store, and the Italian restaurant isn’t there either. I feel my brows pulling
together as a fresh wave of dizziness floods over me, and I duck back into the
archway and lean against the wall before I keel over. I breathe in deeply and
blink again before emerging from underneath the archway, and taking another
look around. Where the nail salon had been there’s now a record store; where
the restaurant had been there’s a Chinese takeaway… had that not always been
there? No. I’m absolutely certain there’s no Chinese takeaway on this street,
I’ve walked up and down it enough times. And then I breathe a sigh of relief as
I see the tattoo studio, except… where’s the piercing studio? It’s supposed to
be next door, but I can’t see it. It isn’t there. And the frontage looks
different. Whereas before the window had been clear glass with the name of the
studio emblazoned all over it in huge, ornate, silver-grey letters, now it’s blacked
out, and the name isn’t the same. The letters are all white in a much more
basic font… I have no idea what’s happening here.
A group of people walk past me, a couple of them turning their heads,
frowning as they look at me, and I rub my eyes and watch them head down the
street. They’re laughing at something… at me? And their clothes…Maybe
they’re on their way to some kind of themed party.
I drop my head and take one more deep breath, closing my eyes because
my head’s still spinning a little bit. Maybe I’m coming down with something: a
summer cold? Some kind of virus? Or maybe it’s just because I haven’t eaten
since breakfast, it could be low blood sugar causing the light-headedness.
Raising my gaze, I glance back across the street, and I do a double
take. There’s the nail salon. And the tattoo studio is back to how I remember
it, with the piercing studio right next door, the Italian restaurant on the
other side with its red front door and cute little bay window. And then I
notice something else. The sun. It’s back, shining brightly from a clear blue
sky, not a cloud in sight. Did I imagine all of that? That sudden change in the
weather? The shops…?
Although the dizziness has subsided, my head still feels a little
heavy, like the worst kind of hangover’s setting in, but I haven’t been
drinking. And now all I want is to get back to the pub and sit down. I don’t
know what just happened there, but maybe I’ll feel better after I’ve eaten
something.
I walk slowly back towards The Brackley Arms, glancing over my shoulder
to make sure that everything’s just as it should be… Why wouldn’t it be?
Back in the pub, I frown as I see Kieran sitting at our table, relaying
something to Albie that’s making him laugh.
“Where did you come from?” I ask, sliding down into my seat.
“Eldon Square bus station.” Kieran looks at me, and frowns. “You okay?”
I bite down on my lip and sit back, raking a hand through my hair.
“Yeah. I’m fine.”
“You sure? You seem a little – I dunno. Distracted?”
I give myself an inner shake, sit forward, and smile at him and Albie.
Whatever happened out there, it was nothing. I just need to eat, that’s all. “I
need to stop skipping lunch.”
“How many times have I told you that’s a bad idea?” Kieran sighs as he
looks at Albie and rolls his eyes.
“Kieran’s right,” Albie says, throwing Kieran a conspiratorial wink. “You
should listen to him.”
Kieran throws me a smug grin, and it’s my turn to roll my eyes.
“Oh, here comes our food!” Kieran’s attention turns to his plate of
fish and chips as it’s set down in front of him, followed by Albie’s steak pie,
mash and veg with a jug of extra gravy, and my chicken burger, thick-cut fries
and onion rings. Everything smells delicious! My homemade fries are golden and crispy,
the battered onion rings piled high on a side plate, I can’t wait to tuck in, to
get some food inside of me: enjoy some time with my friends before heading home
for a quiet night in. It’s been a day off for Kieran and I, the salon’s closed
on Sundays and Mondays but it’s back to work tomorrow, and I’ve got a full day
of appointments. It’s been a lovely few hours with Albie, though, and I smile
as I take a bite of my burger and watch Kieran and Albie chat animatedly about the
upcoming new football season and what it might hold for their team. I smile as
I realise how lucky I am, to have two very special men in my life. But there’s
still something there, a nagging feeling that won’t go away, and I can’t
explain what it is, exactly, I just know that it’s there. And it’s not just
about me finding the courage to get back out on the dating scene, it’s more
than that. Something I need to do? Somewhere I need to visit? Plans I need to
make? I don’t know, it just feels like something’s missing. Like my life could
do with a kick up the arse. And maybe Dean leaving was the push I needed. I
used to believe in happy-ever-afters, fate, all that crap, I used to believe in
all of that. I still do, to some extent, I guess I’m just a little more jaded
now. But I still feel like there’s something more out there for me. Someone,
maybe? Who knows. I’m probably overthinking everything, it’s a habit of mine,
and one I need to kick.
Right now, I have Albie; I have Kieran, and I’m going to enjoy a lovely
evening with my two favourite people. Tomorrow, well, that’s another day…
©MichelleBetham
Fade to Grey is out now and avilable to download HERE.
Read for FREE with Kindle Unlimited.
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