Want to know more about...? Fade to Grey. The music and the memories behind my 80s set timeslip romance.

I love the 80s. I was an 80s kid. An 80s teenager. I spent a good part of that decade practically living in what was then called Newcastle City Hall, seeing bands and artists such as Haircut 100, Duran Duran, Wham!, Paul Young, Adam and the Ants, Frankie Goes To Hollywood. Music meant everything. And the music of the 80s was, looking back, incredibly diverse. Some of my favourite tracks of all time come from that decade; memories of school discos and watching The Tube. The excitement of popping into Woolworths or the record stores in Newcastle on a Saturday morning to buy a new single or flick through the albums; check out the posters in HMV and buy a new one for your bedroom wall. The thrill of playing that record for the first time when you got back home while you flipped through the latest copy of Smash Hits. 

That decade will always be a special one for me, which is why I chose to write a story set, partly, in the early 80s, which was, by far, my favourite era for music. And so came Fade to Grey, named after the  classic track by Visage. 

A story of finding love where you least expect it... and the last place Thea had expected to find love was 1983... Check out the book blurb 👇

Sometimes life stagnates, right?

Routines set in.
Life becomes predictable.
Starting a new relationship isn't something you want to do in a hurry after the man you loved turned out to be a lying, cheating, grade-A p****.

I felt like my life had stagnated. Become predictable. Although, getting rid of the grade-A p**** wasn’t a huge loss. I mean, things were good, in reality, I had a nice life. It was just that, it felt like something was missing. I wanted something new. Something different. But, you know, you really should be careful what you wish for because, one day, I stood underneath an archway on an unassuming little back street, and everything changed.

I got something different.
I experienced something new.
Something unbelievable. Incredible. Unexplainable...

I was somehow thrust back forty-one years, to a decade I didn’t belong in. Six years before I was born.
Was I scared? Yeah. Of course I was. Who wouldn’t be?
Did I think I was going mad? At first, yes.
But then I met him. Zane. A man who belonged in 1983. I didn’t.
A man I shouldn’t have had feelings for. But, hey, everyone loves a curve ball, right? No. Not this one. Definitely not this one.
I’d been given a way to travel between decades, and I didn’t know why. Because there had to be a reason, I was certain of that. These kinds of things – weird, crazy things – they didn’t happen to people like me, so, there had to be a reason. A reason why I met a man like Zane, in 1983. A reason why I had to lie; keep secrets from those I loved in 2025, because nobody would understand. Nobody would believe me.
Nobody.

So I chose to believe in fate. Because everything happens for a reason, doesn’t it?
Possibly.
Maybe.
Definitely…

And you can now check out the music that inspired Fade to Grey RIGHT HERE on Spotify. With tracks from the likes of Culture Club, Madness, Adam and the Ants, Duran Duran, Kim Wilde and Depeche Mode, to name but a few.

Want to read the first couple of chapters for FREE? Go ahead. 😊 

 One

 

Albie leans on his walking stick, and I link my arm through his as we step off the bus.

“Are you sure you’re up to this?” I ask him, pulling my dark glasses down over my eyes. The late afternoon summer sun is still high in the sky, and it’s been a blisteringly hot day today, which is why I’m a little worried about Albie.

“I’m not dead yet, Thea.”

He most definitely isn’t, but he’s not exactly training for this year’s Great North Run either. He’s seventy-seven, and despite being relatively fit for a man of his age he shouldn’t be overdoing things in this heat. Nobody should, it’s ridiculously hot.

“I like these walks along the Quayside.” Albie stops for a moment, looks at me, and smiles. “And I like these walks because I’m walking with you.”

I squeeze his arm as we start moving again. “I just don’t want you wearing yourself out, that’s all. Maybe it’s too hot out here for you today.”

“Stop fussing. It’s fine – I’m fine. And we’ve brought plenty of water with us, haven’t we. I like to keep active, Thea, whatever the weather. I’ve a lot of years left in me yet, you know.”

I hope he’s right. I’ve grown quite attached to this wonderful, if not extremely stubborn, man ever since he moved into my street a little over a year and a half ago, around the time Dean and I had started to have problems, for want of a better word. I’d started visiting Albie as a distraction, I suppose, more than anything else. I’d just wanted to make sure, seeing as he lived alone, that he had everything he needed. And he did. Fiercely independent is an understatement when describing Albie Fletcher, he most definitely is not someone who likes a fuss being made of him. Of anything, really. And the more I got to know him, the more I liked being around him; I loved talking to him, hearing his stories. Now he’s like a surrogate grandad, seeing as I never got to meet my own grandparents. He’s one of my closest friends, he’s like family really. That’s how I think of him now. As family. I care about him, a lot, and the reason why I fuss so much is because I’d quite like him to stick around for a little while longer yet.

We cross the road and stop for a moment, looking up at the iconic – if you’re from this neck of the woods, anyway – Tyne Bridge, its looming presence filling the sky.

“So much has changed,” Albie sighs, and it’s like he’s almost speaking to himself. “Especially around here. This place used to look very different when I was your age.”

“Times were better back then, huh?”

He looks at me, narrowing his eyes slightly. “I’m not some old fool who’s hankering for the good old days, Thea. I’ve just lived through a lot of changes. And not all of them have been good.” He starts to look around him, shifting his weight back onto his walking stick. “But others…” He shakes his head and lets that sentence tail off, and I wonder what he was going to say, but I don’t push it.

“Come on. Let’s go for that walk.” I give his arm a gentle tug and we start moving again, heading underneath the bridge as we make our way down onto the Quayside.

Albie’s right, though. This place did used to look very different. Once a commercial dock, the Quayside is now primarily known for its stylish bars and restaurants, whilst over the river on the Gateshead side of the bank there’s the famous Baltic Centre for Contemporary Art and the Glasshouse International Centre for Music. This area now feels more like a mixture of bohemian and super-trendy with its swanky hotels and expensive apartment blocks, but it’s also managed to keep a lot of its charm, which is never more apparent than on Sundays when the Quayside market is on, selling everything from local arts and crafts to street food. I love it down here at weekends. Dean and I used to come here a lot for a Sunday morning mooch around the stalls. I haven’t come down so often since we separated because it feels a little strange doing it on my own, even though it shouldn’t. I absolutely do not want him back, and it’s been over eighteen months now, I should be moving on. I have no idea why I’m finding that so difficult to do.

It's incredibly busy down here this afternoon, which isn’t surprising, given the weather. The bars are full of people sitting outside, taking in the views, and the atmosphere’s heady with laughter and chatter and the sound of music coming from somewhere. It’s a perfect summer’s afternoon, and I look at Albie, and we both smile at each other. I love spending time with this man, he’s been a godsend to me since Dean and I split up. I don’t know what I would’ve done without him, to be honest. He came into my life at just the right time. Practically perfect. If I believed in guardian angels I’d almost believe he was one.

“How’s Kieran doing?” Albie asks as we stop to look out over the river. “Has the divorce been finalised yet?”

“Not yet. I think Gemma’s being a touch petty if you ask me, but then I’m biased. I love Kieran, I never really liked her.”

Albie smiles wryly. “Did you ever give her a chance?”

“Of course I did! But sometimes you just get a feeling about people, you know?”

Albie sighs quietly, his expression taking on a wistful turn as he stares out ahead of him. “Yes. I do.”

“Well, I got a feeling about her. Gemma, I mean. She was never right for Kieran.”

Albie shakes his head, but when he looks back at me he’s smiling again. “You really care about Kieran, don’t you?”

“He’s like a brother to me. He’s family.”

And that’s no word of a lie. Kieran James is my best friend. We grew up together in the North East seaside town of Whitley Bay; went to the same schools, trained at the same college, and now we both work at the same hair salon. Our hair salon. Unity. We went into business together a little over ten years ago and we’ve never looked back. I love my job, I love working with my best friend. My life is pretty good, it really is, but for the past few months, for some reason, and one probably linked to mine and Dean’s break up, an element of pessimism has started to set in as far as relationships are concerned. Romantic relationships. Finding that person I want to spend the rest of my life with, I’m feeling as if it’s never going to happen. And, okay, I haven’t exactly been active on the dating front. I hate the idea of apps and my social life these days consists of me picking up a bottle of wine on the way home, cooking a  meal for one and spending the evening on the sofa binge watching something on one of the streaming servies. And that’s my fault, I could go out if I wanted to, god knows Kieran tries his best to get me out of the house every now and again, but, more often than not, I’m happier at home. On my own. But if I want to find someone to share my life with, I can’t do that forever. I can’t keep wallowing in self-pity because the man I’d thought I loved turned out to be a no-good, cheating prick. It’s hard, though. That happy-ever-after most people are looking for, mine seems to have disappeared from view completely now. But it hasn’t stopped me from hoping I might still find it, one day. Even if it means getting off my backside and getting out there again. Which I will do, at some point. Soon. Maybe.

Albie and I continue our walk, stopping every now and again to chat to people. Albie seems to know everyone, and it breaks my heart that he never found that special someone. He never married, never had kids; doesn’t have any family to my knowledge, he’s never mentioned anyone anyway. But then, I don’t exactly have much family to speak of, either. Both my parents are dead. I was just ten years old when my dad died at the age of just thirty-two from an undiagnosed heart condition, and then seven years later my mum was killed in a car accident, along with her brother, sister and two cousins on their way back from a festival leaving me, at the age of seventeen, alone. I have another aunt I’ve never met before, and a couple more cousins I barely know over in New Zealand, we never really speak. We’ve never met, so to all intents and purposes we’re strangers. Kieran – his family, they’re my only family now. And Albie, too. I guess I’m a bit of a loner, in reality, even when Dean was around I’d still like my own space. My own company. I’ve never really had a huge group of girlfriends or a big social circle, and I’ve always been okay with that. I never used to mind being alone. I’m not liking being alone all that much anymore, for some reason.

My phone ringing out startles me, and Albie grins as I roll my eyes, fishing around in my oversized handbag for my mobile. “It’s Kieran.”

“Then you’d better answer it. I’ve just spotted George and Elsa Martin over there, and I need a word with them about the Wednesday Club’s Blackpool trip.”

“Will you be okay…?”

“Thea, I’m not as frail as you think I am. I can manage to walk the few steps over to George without falling on my arse.”

Of course he can. I don’t know why I’m so protective of him lately, but I am. I can’t help it.

I swipe to answer the call, putting it to my ear. “Hey, Kieran.”

“Where are you?”

“Down on the Quayside, with Albie.”

“Fancy meeting up later? I’m at a bit of a loose end. Five-a-side’s been cancelled and I don’t much fancy a night on my own in front of the TV.”

“We’re going for something to eat soon, why don’t you join us? Albie would love to see you.”

“Yeah. I haven’t seen the old guy in a while. And I could murder a plate of fish and chips with extra mushy peas.”

“The Brackley Arms? In an hour?”

“See you there.”

“I’ll get the drinks in.”

I hang up and look over to where Albie and his friends are standing chatting away, and for a moment or two I just watch him, this kind, warm, funny man that everyone seems to gravitate towards. Why he couldn’t find anyone to share his life with, it’s something I still don’t understand. Any woman would’ve been lucky to have a man like Albie, I’m sure. But every time I ask him why he never married he just tells me the right person never came along. And I wonder if I’m going to be like him, alone, forever, because I can’t find the right person.

Shaking another bout of self-pity away, I smile as Albie starts to make his way back over to me, and I walk towards him, taking his arm as we fall into step alongside one another.

“How are George and Elsa?” I ask.

“Elsa’s still getting used to the new hip, but she’s feeling a lot better now. I think she’s enjoying making George do the lion’s share of all the housework if you ask me.”

“I’d tell her to milk it for as long as she can.”

We look at each other and laugh, and I squeeze his arm tight, this man deserves so much happiness. Has he really been happy all these years, on his own? He tells me he has, and maybe it’s the truth. Maybe some people feel like they don’t need another person to make them whole. To make them happy. And maybe others do.

“I’m fine, Thea.”

Our eyes meet, and I frown. Could he tell what I was thinking?

“I see that look on your face all too often. Don’t waste your time worrying about me, do you hear? Live your life, and make sure it’s one with no regrets.”

“Not sure I can do that,” I sigh, “when I’ve already got a ton of them.”

“Then make sure you have no more. I’m serious, Thea. Live a life you enjoy.”

I cock my head and smile slightly. “Okay. I mean, I’ll try.”

“You do that. Now, are we going for something to eat?”

“The Brackley Arms?”

He looks at me and grins. “Where else?”

TWO 

 

The Brackley Arms is an old-style pub on the corner of a cobbled street just a stone’s throw away from the city centre. In the winter it’s warm and cosy with a real fire roaring away in the main bar, but right now it’s the height of summer and every door and window has been flung open to let in as much air as possible. We’ve managed to bag a table close to an open door and right beside an open window which is, thankfully, letting in a slight breeze.

This pub is one of Albie’s favourites. He comes here every time he’s in town, and even though it’s a bit more on the traditional side, I like it. The atmosphere’s always friendly and welcoming and the food is really good, with almost everything on the menu home cooked, right down to the chips. A bowl of those with curry sauce or gravy is a must-have.

“There you go.” I set three pints down on the table. “And I’ve ordered our food, with extra gravy for you.”

Albie smiles and throws me a wink before sinking a draft of his favourite bitter. “Any sign of Kieran?”

“He’s on his way. Bus was a little late.”

I sit back in my seat and cast a glance around the pub. It’s just coming up to five 0’clock on a Monday afternoon, so the place isn’t overly busy, but they do an early-bird menu up until six pm so there are a few people, like us, taking advantage of that. And the smell of the food as it’s being brought out to customers is making me realise just how hungry I am, and I can’t wait to tuck into the chicken burger with homemade, thick-cut chips and a side portion of onion rings I’ve just ordered. My stomach’s rumbling pretty loudly right now, but that’ll teach me to skip lunch.

Taking another sip of my IPA I watch as Albie turns around in his seat to greet a tall, grey-haired man in a colourful shirt and pale-blue pants. He looks a little younger than Albie, but then Albie has friends of all ages. He has an aura around him that makes people want to talk to him, I suppose you’d describe him as charismatic. Or just plain friendly, I don’t know, he’s one of those people that make it easy for you to get along with them. I feel lucky to have him in my life. Very lucky.

I lean forward and tap him gently on the arm to get his attention, and he turns his head to look at me.

“I’m just going to pop out and see if Kieran’s coming.”

Albie nods and resumes his conversation.

I get up and head outside, walking a little further along the cobbled street as I reach for my phone. I’ll call Kieran. See if he’s on his way yet. But, for some reason, I can’t get a signal, which is strange. I try again. Still no signal. So I give up and slide my phone back into my pocket, but instead of heading back to the pub I walk a little further along the street, looking up as a blanket of dark-grey cloud causes the temperature to drop quite suddenly, and I frown. Where did those clouds come from? It was blazing sunshine not two seconds ago with no sign of a cloud in the sky.

Pushing my dark glasses up onto my head I turn around and start to walk back towards the pub, past the shops and restaurants that line this pretty little street, all of them housed in old-style buildings that give everything an almost quaint feel. There’s a tattoo and piercing studio; a nail salon; a small clothing store; an Italian restaurant, to name just a few of the businesses on this cobbled street. Pots of brightly coloured flowers stand outside the clothes store and the nail salon; hanging baskets with cascading lobelia and fuchsias hang either side of the Italian restaurant’s eye-catching red door, it’s actually quite picturesque. I’ve never really stopped to think about it before, but now, yeah. It’s really pretty.

I smile to myself as I continue walking, but then, all of a sudden, I’m overcome with a feeling of – I don’t know. I can only describe it as dizziness. I feel extremely light-headed, and I duck into a nearby archway, leaning back against the wall as I try to catch my breath, closing my eyes for a second or two. It can’t be the alcohol, I’ve only had a couple of sips of my pint, but whatever it is, it came on without any warning. And then, almost as quicky as it came on the dizziness subsides, but something still doesn’t feel right. And it takes a second or two before I realise, but as I emerge from the archway and look across the street, the clothes store that had been there before, it’s not there anymore. Or have I just walked further than I thought I had? I blink a few times, shake my head, and take another look around. No. There’s definitely no clothes store, and the Italian restaurant isn’t there either. I feel my brows pulling together as a fresh wave of dizziness floods over me, and I duck back into the archway and lean against the wall before I keel over. I breathe in deeply and blink again before emerging from underneath the archway, and taking another look around. Where the nail salon had been there’s now a record store; where the restaurant had been there’s a Chinese takeaway… had that not always been there? No. I’m absolutely certain there’s no Chinese takeaway on this street, I’ve walked up and down it enough times. And then I breathe a sigh of relief as I see the tattoo studio, except… where’s the piercing studio? It’s supposed to be next door, but I can’t see it. It isn’t there. And the frontage looks different. Whereas before the window had been clear glass with the name of the studio emblazoned all over it in huge, ornate, silver-grey letters, now it’s blacked out, and the name isn’t the same. The letters are all white in a much more basic font… I have no idea what’s happening here.

A group of people walk past me, a couple of them turning their heads, frowning as they look at me, and I rub my eyes and watch them head down the street. They’re laughing at something… at me? And their clothes…Maybe they’re on their way to some kind of themed party.

I drop my head and take one more deep breath, closing my eyes because my head’s still spinning a little bit. Maybe I’m coming down with something: a summer cold? Some kind of virus? Or maybe it’s just because I haven’t eaten since breakfast, it could be low blood sugar causing the light-headedness.

Raising my gaze, I glance back across the street, and I do a double take. There’s the nail salon. And the tattoo studio is back to how I remember it, with the piercing studio right next door, the Italian restaurant on the other side with its red front door and cute little bay window. And then I notice something else. The sun. It’s back, shining brightly from a clear blue sky, not a cloud in sight. Did I imagine all of that? That sudden change in the weather? The shops…?

Although the dizziness has subsided, my head still feels a little heavy, like the worst kind of hangover’s setting in, but I haven’t been drinking. And now all I want is to get back to the pub and sit down. I don’t know what just happened there, but maybe I’ll feel better after I’ve eaten something.

I walk slowly back towards The Brackley Arms, glancing over my shoulder to make sure that everything’s just as it should be… Why wouldn’t it be?

Back in the pub, I frown as I see Kieran sitting at our table, relaying something to Albie that’s making him laugh.

“Where did you come from?” I ask, sliding down into my seat.

“Eldon Square bus station.” Kieran looks at me, and frowns. “You okay?”

I bite down on my lip and sit back, raking a hand through my hair. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

“You sure? You seem a little – I dunno. Distracted?”

I give myself an inner shake, sit forward, and smile at him and Albie. Whatever happened out there, it was nothing. I just need to eat, that’s all. “I need to stop skipping lunch.”

“How many times have I told you that’s a bad idea?” Kieran sighs as he looks at Albie and rolls his eyes.

“Kieran’s right,” Albie says, throwing Kieran a conspiratorial wink. “You should listen to him.”

Kieran throws me a smug grin, and it’s my turn to roll my eyes.

“Oh, here comes our food!” Kieran’s attention turns to his plate of fish and chips as it’s set down in front of him, followed by Albie’s steak pie, mash and veg with a jug of extra gravy, and my chicken burger, thick-cut fries and onion rings. Everything smells delicious! My homemade fries are golden and crispy, the battered onion rings piled high on a side plate, I can’t wait to tuck in, to get some food inside of me: enjoy some time with my friends before heading home for a quiet night in. It’s been a day off for Kieran and I, the salon’s closed on Sundays and Mondays but it’s back to work tomorrow, and I’ve got a full day of appointments. It’s been a lovely few hours with Albie, though, and I smile as I take a bite of my burger and watch Kieran and Albie chat animatedly about the upcoming new football season and what it might hold for their team. I smile as I realise how lucky I am, to have two very special men in my life. But there’s still something there, a nagging feeling that won’t go away, and I can’t explain what it is, exactly, I just know that it’s there. And it’s not just about me finding the courage to get back out on the dating scene, it’s more than that. Something I need to do? Somewhere I need to visit? Plans I need to make? I don’t know, it just feels like something’s missing. Like my life could do with a kick up the arse. And maybe Dean leaving was the push I needed. I used to believe in happy-ever-afters, fate, all that crap, I used to believe in all of that. I still do, to some extent, I guess I’m just a little more jaded now. But I still feel like there’s something more out there for me. Someone, maybe? Who knows. I’m probably overthinking everything, it’s a habit of mine, and one I need to kick.

Right now, I have Albie; I have Kieran, and I’m going to enjoy a lovely evening with my two favourite people. Tomorrow, well, that’s another day…

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Fade to Grey is also available to read for FREE with Kindle Unlimited.

Want to know more about...? Devil You Know - Cartel Queens Series Book 2

 

Book Blurb

I believed in happy-ever-afters. I did. Maybe not the kind most people dream of, but my life wasn’t like theirs. OK, in the beginning it was, I was an ordinary girl from an ordinary world living an ordinary life. But that changed, in a heartbeat, and my ordinary life suddenly became extraordinary; dangerous. Deadly. Anyway, it’s a long story, one I’ve already told, once, and that life, I walked away from it. Because I found my happy-ever-after. But it didn’t come without a price. It wasn’t something that was gifted to me, I had to fight for it. We had to fight for each other.
Was the pain worth it?
Yes.
Was the loss of life that came with that fight something I regret?
No.
Sometimes.
Maybe a little, I try not to think about it too much.
Was my happy-ever-after perfect, once the pain had subsided?
It was. As perfect as it could be, anyway.
But nothing is forever.
No one stays the same, no matter how much they think they do. They don’t.
Everyone has secrets. Everyone tells lies. People start wars without realizing what they’re doing. It happens, even in a world you thought was safer. We can never stray too far from our past, even if we feel like we’ve left it behind us. We haven’t. We can’t. Even fairytales suck, believe me, I know. I know.
But sometimes we need to go back. We have to, go back. S**t happens, s**t we always saw coming, we just chose to ignore it. Until we had no other choice. But it still hit like a punch to the gut, knowing we had to fight all over again; knowing that starting that fight, it was going to threaten everything. Knowing that the person you were before, the one you’d tried so hard to walk away from, you have to bring them back. You have to. And that’s what I was scared of. What we were all scared of.
I thought my future was certain.
That was my first mistake.
I thought nothing could touch us anymore.
That was my second.
I thought love could overcome anything, but in reality love only causes more pain.
Heartache.
Loss.
Love is a messed-up emotion, and we can’t always control it.
But we should have tried.
We should have all tried.
I saw the signs, not all of them, and not straightaway, but they were there.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, I became too complacent. Too relaxed. I stopped looking over my shoulder when backward glances should’ve been constant. And now – now we’re paying the price. And that just might be the thing that breaks me. Us. All of us.
My name was Olivia Delgado.
And my story’s not over yet…

Check out the first few chapters of Devil You Know for free 👇

Prologue

 

 

 

The air is thick with smoke, black and heavy, but it’s the sudden silence that’s unsettling. It’s like the world just ended, but it hasn’t. Not yet.

“Are we done?” Angel asks, and I nod, tucking my gun down the back of my jeans.

“We’re done.”

But we don’t make any attempt to move, not even when we hear the wail of sirens growing closer.

“We should get out of here.”

Yeah. We should. We’ve done what we needed to do, seen what we needed to see, we don’t need to hang around.

“Come on.”

We run to the beat-up black van parked just around the corner, jump in, yank the scarves from our faces and drive off, just as three police cars pull up outside the smoldering wreck of a building. They didn’t see us. They were never going to see us.

“Do you think she’s OK?” Angel asks, glancing back over his shoulder.

“She’ll be fine.” I grip the steering wheel tighter as we turn the corner and head back toward the clubhouse. “She knew what she was doing.”

Pulling into the compound, I breathe a sigh of relief as I see her standing outside the workshop, drinking beer and laughing at something Eddie’s just said, it’s like nothing’s happened. Like she didn’t just risk her life to do something only she could do. And if I could’ve swapped places with her I would’ve done that, no question, but we needed her to do it. There was no other way.

Wasn’t there?

Are you sure about that…?

“She got here in one piece, then.” Angel gets out of the van, but I sit there for a second or two, and I think I can probably breathe now. Maybe. She’s OK. She got back, unscathed, I hope. But there’s this dark, desperate churning in the pit of my stomach when I think about what she might have had to go through before this point. And I know I can’t think like that, I can’t let those thoughts take over, we all knew this was the way it had to be. She knew the risks, we all did, but that doesn’t make me feel any better. I should’ve been able to protect her. That’s my fucking job.

Sighing heavily, I drag a hand through my hair and get out of the van, and the second she spots me she smiles, she comes over, and she takes my hand, squeezing it tight.

“Are you OK?” I reach out and gently push her hair aside, I need to see her face.

“I’m fine.”

I cock my head slightly and frown as I take a look at her neck. “Who did this?”

She reaches up to touch the faint red marks just below her jawline, some bastard’s had his hands around her, I swear, I’ll kill the motherfucker…

That job’s already done.

Yeah. It probably is…

“It’s OK. Really.”

“Who did this?” I repeat, but she just shakes her head and pulls her hair back over her shoulder.

“It doesn’t matter. We did what we had to do, and now it’s over. Right?”

I throw my head back and let out a loud, frustrated sigh. This part’s over. But we still have one more thing to do before we can finally claim victory.

“Go inside, get a drink. Go on.”

She smiles at me, and I still can’t believe how beautiful she is, but that’s the problem. She’s too beautiful. And that shouldn’t be a problem, but it is. For me.

“I’m not sure alcohol’s going to help.” I murmur that almost to myself as I glance around the compound, everyone’s in a party mood. Except me. I think, finally, everything we’ve done, everything we had to put her through, it’s catching up with me. And it fucking hurts.

“Try and relax, please?”

I look at her, into eyes that are begging me to put this behind me, and that’s exactly what I need to do. Put this behind me. Move on. Forget about it. Isn’t that what we always do?

“Please?” She’s pleading with me now, and I can’t let her down again, I won’t do that, so I suck it up and throw her a smile before I head inside. But I’m no sooner through the door than the sound of tires screeching; guns firing off round after round, the air’s filled with a terrifying noise and I race back outside, yanking my gun from my back pocket just in time to see the bullet rip through her from back to front, blood spurting from the wound as she falls to the floor in a crumpled heap. And I drop to my haunches, my head in my hands, and I let out the longest, loudest howl…

 

One

 

 

 

Halle

 

Leaning back against the counter, swiftly moving my elbow away from a puddle of Jim Beam, I smile at Angel as he bends over the pool table, ready to take his shot. One that’ll see him win his fifth straight game in a row, yeah, it’s all quiet in the clubhouse this afternoon. No shit going down, no scores to settle, I mean, I’m not saying it’s the fucking Waltons or anything, but the atmosphere’s calm, there’s no tension in the air. A faint whiff of weed and the lingering smell of engine oil, maybe, but no tension.

“You should be heading over to the bar.”

I drag my focus away from Angel and look at the tall, slightly-too-thin, dark-haired woman who’s joined me at the counter. Carla Mendoza. One of the more seasoned club girls, and someone who’s been helping me settle in since I arrived in town almost a month ago. She sorted me out a place to stay – a small but comfortable apartment above a piercing studio, both owned by the Devil’s Creed – and a job, waiting tables at a bar also owned by the club. The Black Dahlia. It’s kind of seedy, and almost exclusively a biker hang-out, but it pays OK, extremely well when the tips are good, and I actually like the fact it feels like a family over there. Everyone’s kind and supportive and we look out for each other. Almost all of the women who work there are club girls, there are only a couple who aren’t a part of the whole biker scene – a single mom who needs the money to feed her kid, and a girl a little younger than me who’s trying to pay her way through college. The rest are just holding out for that bad boy who’ll make them their old lady. Their woman. Their property. This world, it isn’t alien to me. I’ve been hanging out with men like this since I was fourteen-years-old. Six years. Long enough for me to know how they work. And I can handle them. All of them.

“My shift doesn’t start for another hour.”

Carla takes a drag on her cigarette and turns her head away, blowing smoke up at the ceiling. “Thought you might want to get out of this place for a bit.” She takes another drag of her cigarette before stubbing it out on a plate filled with the remnants of someone’s leftover fried chicken. “None of these assholes’ll be at the bar this early.”

“I heard that.” Angel reaches behind me for his beer, his arm briefly brushing against mine, and I feel my skin break out in goosebumps and my stomach dip, it always happens when he gets this close to me. “And will you quit smoking in here? Take it outside, this place stinks bad enough as it is.”

“Jesus, who died and made you momma?”

Angel ignores Carla and throws me a wide grin, which I return, and out the corner of my eye I don’t miss Carla rolling hers.

“Come on, Halle. Let’s go.”

She takes my hand and pulls me away from Angel, but not before I’ve thrown him one final smile over my shoulder.

“Are you serious?” Carla lets go of my hand as she fishes her car keys out of her pocket. “Angel’s old enough to be your daddy.”

“So?”

She gives me the side-eye, but that’s it. A small warning, nothing else, and when I say a warning, it’s only because she’s become a little too protective of me. I’m the youngest club girl here, but I’m no child. I’m not some naïve kid from out of town, I’ve lived this life for more years than I should’ve. I’m used to it. I like it.

“You never did tell us how you ended up here?” Carla rests her arms on the roof of her car and fixes me with a quizzical look.

I tilt my head and smile slightly. “Is it important?”

She shrugs. “Not really. Just interested, is all.”

“I like to travel.”

Carla narrows her eyes, I’m not sure she’s buying this. Doesn’t matter. She doesn’t have to. Why I’m here is nobody’s business but mine. For now.

“Yeah, ’cause you came a real long way, didn’t you?”

It’s my turn to shrug. “Traveling’s traveling, right? Doesn’t matter how far you came.”

“If you say so. Come on. Get in the car. We’ll stop by Birdies on the way, grab a burger. You look like you need feeding up.”

“I eat plenty.” I get in the car and pull my dark glasses down over my eyes.

“Then you must have some kinda crazy metabolism. You ain’t ever gonna move from waiting tables to dancing the poles if you don’t get some meat on those bones.”

“Who says I want to dance?”

“Tips are way better, honey. And you are one pretty little Mexican princess, you could earn a shitload of cash out there, you’ve seen how easy it is. All you gotta do is shake that tight ass of yours, flash them perky tits a coupla times, it ain’t hard. Back in Kentucky I only had to work two nights a week doing that shit and I had more dollars than I knew what to do with.” She lights up another cigarette, takes a drag, and blows smoke out of the open window. “Those days are behind me now, but that don’t mean I can’t help another sister out.”

“I don’t need any help.”

She looks at me, the edge of her mouth curling up ever-so-slightly. “We all need help, sugar.”

I don’t. I got myself here, over the border, all alone, I didn’t need anyone’s help.

“Anyway, you think about it, kiddo. You could make some real good money. Set yourself up nicely, get you a proper home, a nice place with a yard, maybe.”

“I’m fine where I am.”

“Alright,” she sighs, shaking her head as we pull into the parking lot outside Birdie’s Burger Joint. Another biker hang-out. “I ain’t gonna waste my breath no more, but you’ll come to your senses one day. I guarantee it.”

I slide my sunglasses up onto my head and get out of the car, the smell of grease and smoke and stale beer hitting me the second I step onto the tarmac.

“Come on. Let’s get you a double cheeseburger and fries, extra bacon.”

“Carla…”

“No arguing. You’ve a long night ahead, you need some fuel in you.”

I throw my head back and roll my eyes, but this is an argument I know I’m not going to win. And I actually like that Carla looks out for me, it’s good to have a friend. A real friend, I don’t have many of those, and as for family… Well. Family’s the reason I left Mexico, the reason why I’m here, in San Diego. The reason why I wanted to become part of the Devil’s Creed MC. Family’s the reason I’m doing everything now. And I’m only just getting started…

 

 

 

Olivia

 

“Do you ever stop and think about what we have now?” I lean back against the wall, cross my arms, and watch Lucca as he checks the newly-renovated room over. The Beach Bay Resort didn’t really need an upgrade, not yet, but it’s a place that holds too many memories, of Javier. And although I may never wipe those memories away completely, I can help them fade, by doing this. By making this place mine, rather than his. By making this place mine, and Lucca’s.

He turns around and smiles at me, and I swear, every time he does that – every fucking time – it makes me fall in love with him all over again. “I have you. And that’s all that matters.”

I throw my head back and laugh, I’m pretending I don’t like it when he goes all cheesy on me, but I do. I like it. I love him. He’s funny and ridiculously romantic, which is a side to him I never imagined he had, I was so used to the cool, calm Lucca, the man that was once Javier’s lieutenant. A cold, silent killer. A protector. He’s different now.

“What?” he laughs, coming over to me and uncurling my arms, sliding one of his around my waist as he pulls me closer, kissing me deep and dirty, and I groan quietly. I love that we’re still like a couple of teenagers, still living in that phase where we can’t keep our hands off each other, it’s why I wake up every morning, to be with this man for another day. Neither of us take that for granted, not anymore. “You know I’d give all of this up in a heartbeat, if I had to. It’s you I can’t be without.”

I slide a hand around the back of his neck, rest my forehead against his, and for a moment neither of us says anything. I close my eyes and I breathe him in and I know how lucky we are to both still be here. Together. Alive.

“I love you, so much,” I whisper, and he smiles again, and I feel my heart swell.

“I love you too, mi reina,” he murmurs, his fingers fanning out against the base of my spine. And it’s one of those moments, one of those beautiful, precious moments that I’ll never forget, I’ve stored them all away, kept them safe. I’m being careful. This might not last forever. “Don’t, Olivia.”

I look up into his ice-blue eyes, and I frown, and he gently strokes my cheek with his thumb and shakes his head.

“Don’t think about it, OK? You think about it too much.”

I take his hand and he squeezes it tight, but I’m the first to let go. To step away. To flick that switch. “The interior designers we hired, they’ve done well. The rooms are exactly how I’d envisaged them.”

“We used the best people. They knew what they were doing. “

“They’ve transformed this place.” I go into the bathroom, run my fingertips over the dark-gray granite tiles, and I glance up and catch my reflection in the mirrored wall opposite. I look different, because I wanted to look different. My hair’s slightly shorter, sitting just above my shoulders in a layered, choppy bob, and I’ve changed the color from black to a deep, dark red. But there’s no disguising the faint lines around my eyes, the effects of a past we’re still trying to move on from.

“You’re beautiful.”

Lucca comes up behind me, gently pushes my hair aside and kisses the side of my neck, my body tingling the second his lips connect with my skin, and I lean back against him and watch us in the mirror. We look so good together, like we were always meant to be, together. But we weren’t. Maybe we shouldn’t be. All I know is I would fight to the death for this man, I’d take a bullet for him. And I know he’d do the same for me. I know he would. He’d been willing to do that long before I loved him; before he was allowed to love me.

“You have to say that, or you don’t get sex.” I smile and turn around in his arms, tugging on his shirt lapels.

“You think I tell you you’re beautiful just to get sex?”

“It helps.”

He laughs, and I love to watch him do that. Laugh. He didn’t laugh all that much before, neither of us did. And it’s only now that I’m beginning to realize that.

“I tell you you’re beautiful because you are. You always have been, you always will be.”

“You’re such a charmer.”

“Guilty.” He grins, and I kiss him before stepping out of his arms and heading back into the bedroom.

“Come on. Let’s go home, grab some lunch, and make the most of the fact we have nothing to do this afternoon.”

His grin widens as he leans back against the wall and crosses his arms. “I still can’t get used to you like this.”

“Like what?” I take one last look at the newly-renovated room before grabbing my jacket from the chair by the bed.

“I don’t know. Carefree, that’s probably the closest I can come to it. You don’t have the weight of the world on your shoulders anymore.”

I go over to him, and I rest a hand on his hip as I look up into his eyes. “Neither do you. And for a long time you carried a lot more weight than I ever did.”

His arm circles my waist and he pulls me against him, kissing me quickly but long enough for my knees to react, yeah, he makes me feel all the clichés under the sun. Every single one of them.

“We’re OK now,” he murmurs, and I smile and nod because he’s right. We’re OK, now. But we so very nearly weren’t.

“Let’s go home,” I whisper, my hand sliding into his, but before we leave the room we stop, and we look around us. “This is all ours now.”

He squeezes my hand, and I look at him. And the smile he gives me, it’s all I need to know that everything we went through, everything we did, it was worth it. It was all worth it.

“Yeah. It is.”

Not a trace of Javier remains in this place, and I’m slowly making sure it’s the same for every restaurant, bar and hotel we own, on both sides of the border. I’ll never erase every memory of my ex-husband, and, despite everything, there are some I’d like to keep, but not all of them. I want a fresh start, a new beginning, we both want that. And we’re getting there. And nothing and nobody is going threaten our world again. Nothing. And nobody…

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Book Blurb

Love hurts. What if it could kill, too...?

Who am I?
How did I get here?
How did I become this woman?
This powerful, wealthy, dangerous woman…?
It’s a long story, but all you need to know right now is that I didn’t want to be the woman I became. I never wanted the life I ended up living. The money, the power, I didn’t want any of it. Not at first, anyway. But sometimes we don’t always get what we want. Sometimes we lose control of our own destiny, it happens far more easily than you might think. I certainly didn’t set out to be the person I ended up becoming, how could I? I didn’t even know women like me existed, because they didn’t. Not in my world. The one I left behind, when I fell in love with a man who needed me to choose between his world, and mine. I chose his.

My first mistake…?

I think that depends on how you look at things. Nothing was that simple. There was no black and white in that new world of mine, just countless shades of gray. But what you probably should know is that I was just an ordinary girl, once-upon-a-time. Before I met the man who changed everything. Before the s**t hit the fan and all hell broke loose. It’s just hard to believe, sometimes, that I was ever that girl, because when I look in the mirror I see a completely different woman staring back at me. A cold, emotionless woman, someone who’s seen things, done things, dark, dangerous things. Stuff I never thought I'd ever be capable of. And I don’t regret a thing. None of that was to blame for what’s happening now. None of it. What’s happening now is the result of something else entirely. And it wasn’t all my fault. Others played their part; started that timebomb ticking, and now – now my life depends on how I choose to deal with the consequences. Of what, you might ask? Of falling in love, that’s what.

Love was the game changer. The thing that started it all.
Love changed me, made me stronger, turned me into the kind of b***h nobody wanted to mess with, and very few did. Those who tried, they paid for it.
Falling in love was the catalyst, and in the end it’s what’s caused my entire house of carefully stacked cards to come crashing down. And now – now it could kill me.

So, who am I, exactly?
My name is Olivia Delgado.
Head of the Delgado cartel.
And this is my story…

Check out the first few pages of Beautiful Dangerous for free  👇

Prologue

The wind whistles through the open window as we speed into the night, the sound of distant gun shots still ringing loud in my ears. Wiping the palm of my hand on my torn, mud-splattered jeans I wrap my fingers back around the gun and lean out of the window, looking behind us, but I can’t see anything. I think we might’ve lost them, for now. But the coast’s anything but clear.

“How long ’til we reach the airfield?” I sit back down, still holding tightly onto the gun.

“Almost there. Another five minutes, max.”

I close my eyes and take the deepest of breaths, but all that does is exacerbate the pain in my shoulder where the bullet grazed it.

“You need to get that seen to.”

I raise an eyebrow. “You think? You want to take a detour via the hospital?”

I’m aware that sarcasm and a smart mouth aren’t entirely helpful right now, but it’s all I’ve got.

“Shit!”

“What?” My fingers tighten their grip on the gun as I look in the rear view mirror. “Fuck!”

Kneeling up on the seat I twist around so most of my upper half is hanging out of the window and, ignoring the pain tearing through my shoulder, I point the gun out in front of me as the headlights grow closer, flashing their deadly threat.

“Here. Take this.”

I quickly turn around, shove the gun down the back of my jeans and pick up the rifle.

“Take the tires out. That’ll buy us some time.”

My first shot hits the front tire, but it also invites another round of retaliation, a hail of bullets ricocheting off the back of the truck. But I don’t hesitate, don’t take another breath, I fire off another round, taking out the second front tire, the pick-up now swerving dangerously, sparks flying up from the tarmac as it careers across the road.

“I can see the airfield! Here!” He throws the radio into my lap. “Tell them to stand by.”

I pick up the radio, issue the instruction, and then I sit back and finally take a breath, my eyes focused on the lights of the airfield as they draw closer.

Behind us I can still hear weapons being fired, the incessant rattling of their machine-guns, they’re not giving up without a fight. But I never thought they would.

“We’re almost there. Just a few more minutes and we’ll be out of here.”

I look at him, and I smile, despite the pain now coursing down my left arm. He’s right. Just a few more minutes…

One

 

 Olivia

 

“The product arrived safely. Eddie’s men have already collected it and taken it to the warehouse, they’re preparing for distribution as we speak.” Lucca tucks his gun down the back of his jeans and moves further into the room. “Do you need me for anything else?”

I lean back against the desk and cross my arms. “No.”

“Have you eaten yet?”

I shake my head, my eyes dropping to my ridiculously high, spike-heeled Louboutin ankle boots.

“You need to eat, Liv.”

“I’ve been busy.”

Pulling myself away from the desk I walk over to the window, my arms still crossed over my chest.

“I could make us something. I do a mean chili. Come on, you love my chili!”

I smile but keep my back to him as I stare out onto the central courtyard of my San Diego estate. It’s dark outside, but the solar lights strewn through the palm trees and shrubs are just enough to make it all look cozy and inviting.

Cozy and inviting.

Something my life hasn’t been for a very long time.

“I’m fine.”

“Are you?”

I drop my head and sigh quietly. “Pour me a whiskey. And one for yourself.”

I wait a moment or two before turning back around, leaning against the window-sill.

“The breaking the ground ceremony, for the new hotel, it’s happening on Thursday. So, I’m trusting the bikers to get on with distribution without any problems. Can you make sure that happens? I need to be at that ceremony.”

Lucca hands me a crystal tumbler half-full of whiskey and sits down on the arm of a dark-brown leather sofa. Lucca Perez. The only man I trust, with anything. My business. My life...

“I think we’ve worked with the bikers long enough to be able to trust them, Olivia. You know that.”

I take a sip of whiskey and drop my head again, staring down into the glass as I gently swirl the amber liquid around. “Has Casper received payment for this shipment?”

“Money came through half an hour ago. Everything’s good.”

“His product is some of the best out there, so we need to keep him happy. We were lucky to get him on board, he doesn’t allow too many people in.”

“Your persistence paid off.”

I look up, my eyes meeting Lucca’s over the rim of the tumbler. “I saw it as a necessary move. We don’t have time to come up with product ourselves, not anymore. We have other things going on now.”

“Look, Olivia, about that… Dealing in weapons, it’s not something we’ve ever felt the need to become involved in, to any great extent. Most cartels don’t go down that route, Javier certainly didn’t…”

“Javier isn’t here.” The tone of my voice has taken on a slightly colder edge, but that’s because I don’t like being questioned, something Lucca is very much aware of, and yet, he still does it. But he’s the only one who will ever get away with it. “And while I’m grateful for your input, Lucca, final decisions will always lie with me. Besides, the cartel itself won’t be involved too directly with that side of things, we’ve talked about this. You know what’s happening. It’s just another business deal.”

He breaks the stare, finishes his drink, and leaves the empty tumbler on the small glass coffee table before standing up, sliding his hands into his pockets. “It’s been a long day. We should both get some rest.”

“I still have a few things left to do here.”

Lucca sighs and rakes a hand through his short, dark-brown hair. “I’ll make sure the guards do a final check outside before locking up.” He starts to walk away, but stops in the doorway, turning back around to face me. “Seriously, Olivia, you need to rest.”

I smile at him, because I love that he cares so much about me. His concern comes from a good place, but I don’t need it. I’m fine. “Just a few more minutes and I’m done for the day, I promise.”

He remains in the doorway, and I look at him, raising a questioning eyebrow.

“Is there something else?”

“He’d be proud of you, Liv. Proud of what you’re doing; how you’ve stepped up, it was never his intention to put you front and center of all of this, not so soon.”

“I know that.”

“You’re doing good, okay?”

“I know that too, but, thank you.” I don’t need his validation, but sometimes it’s welcome, because there are still days when I wonder if I’m even coming close to running things the way Javier would’ve liked me to. Wanted me to. Taught me to. And Lucca – well, he’d never lie to me. So I believe him, when he tells me I’m handling this.

“Don’t be too long down here, Liv. Okay?”

“Okay.”

He finally leaves my office, but I wait until the door’s closed behind him before I move away from the window, over to a table lined with photographs in various-sized frames of gold, platinum, and silver. Picking up an oval-shaped, silver-framed picture I run my fingertips over the image of a dark-haired man with deep green eyes and a beautiful smile that hid a million secrets. My husband. My dead husband. Gunned down outside his own casino, by people who’d been determined to end his reign as one of the most powerful drug cartel bosses out there; people who hadn’t realized that killing Javier was never going to end his reign. Cutting the head off the snake, in this instance, achieved nothing. We’d mourned; vowed to take revenge, and we’re working on that. It’s all in hand, it’s happening, because Javier’s death will not be for nothing. The men – the family – who ended his life will get what they deserve, make no mistake about that. A war that’s been raging between the Pino and Delgado cartels for decades will be won, by us, I’ll make sure of that. They took the man I loved beyond anything away from me, and in return we intend to take them down. All of them. Piece by piece until they’re on their fucking knees, begging us for mercy.

Javier told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Do anything I wanted to do. As his widow, the only thing I’d wanted was to carry on his legacy. It was what he’d wanted, too, for me to take his place, should anything ever happen to him. I just never thought it would happen so soon, but it did. It has. He’s gone and I’m in control now. Head of the Delgado cartel. But this life, it wasn’t one I’d ever been destined to live. I used to be an ordinary woman, living an ordinary life. Until I took that holiday. Until that night…

It was fifteen years ago that I’d first met Javier Arturo Delgado. I’d had no idea who he was, not at first, and by the time I did it was too late. I was in love. And even if I’d wanted to I couldn’t have walked away because, by then, I knew too much. But that had been my decision, to know everything.

My choice.

Mine.

Would I change that now, if I could go back? Would I choose to stay ignorant of the kind of man my husband was? I don’t know. Maybe. All I really know is that the day I met Javier Delgado everything changed. Everything…

 

 

 

Fifteen Years Earlier…

 

“Here. Let me get that for you.”

I look up to see a tall, handsome man with short, dark hair and a neat beard pushing open the heavy glass door that leads out from the hotel bar back into the sprawling atrium. He’s wearing an expensive-looking gray suit and an open-necked white shirt, no tie, and he has the kind of presence that demands attention. He has mine, but only for a moment or two, before I realize I didn’t need him to open the door for me. I’m pretty much capable of doing that all by myself.

“Thank you.”

But, you know, I’m still polite. Manners matter.

“My pleasure.”

His voice is deep and smooth, his accent making every word he utters twice as sexy.

“I trust you are having a pleasant stay here in Mexico?”

“Yes, thank you, I am. It’s a lovely hotel.”

He smiles, but I keep my expression wary. I’m a woman alone, in a country I’ve never visited before, and despite his friendly demeanour I still have to be on my guard.

“Good. As the owner of this establishment I like to make sure my guests are being looked after.”

Oh. Okay, so, this guy owns the place. Fair enough. “I’ve no complaints.” And that’s the truth. This hotel is more than lovely, to be honest. It’s pretty great, actually. It’s spotlessly clean, ridiculously comfortable, and my room has a view of the pool, a complimentary mini-bar, and the kind of shower you want to spend way more than five minutes in.

“That makes me very happy. I’m Javier Delgado, by the way.”

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Mr. Delgado. But, if you don’t mind, I’m really tired. I’d like to get back to my room.”

“Of course. Good night. And if you need anything, please, don’t hesitate to contact the front desk.”

“I will. Thank you.”

Clutching my purse to my chest I collect my key-card from reception and head toward the elevators. Javier Delgado is already a distant memory as I look forward to stepping under a warm shower; sliding between cool, crisp white cotton sheets and cradling my head on pillows I never want to lift it from. But I might have one last night-cap out on the balcony first, before I bring this day to an end.

Swiping my key-card, I nudge the door open with my shoulder and flick on the light, throwing my purse down onto the bed. Unclasping my necklace, I slip it off and turn around to put it down on the dressing-table, and that’s when I see them – the bouquet of vibrant orange, green and yellow flowers. The bottle of champagne with a small envelope leaning against it. What the…?

I pick up the envelope and slide the card out.

Enjoy the rest of your stay. With compliments, Javier Delgado.

How the hell did he manage to get these to my room in the time it took me to ride up here in the elevator? And, more to the point, how did he know which room was mine? I never told him my name…

But what I didn’t know then – what I’m more than aware of now – was that Javier Delgado could find out anything, about anyone, any time he wanted…

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