Is it really worth carrying on with my writing journey...?

That's a question that's been running around in my head for a little while now, but this morning in particular I woke up with it playing on my mind a lot more than usual, possibly due to the atrocious sales, or lack of, lately. The low amount of page reads, I don't know. All I do know is that the landscape for indie authors like me has changed over the past few years, and it's changed a lot. 

In reality, there are two types of indie authors anyway: ones like me, who plough on, day after day, chasing sales and page reads, feeling relieved at any scraps of recognition we can salvage from any wonderful reader who's willing to give us a chance. And then there are the indie authors who are hugely successful, sell thousands upon thousands of books and quite frequently appear at author workshops to give a talk on how other authors  - the ones like me - can become as successful as them by just sticking with it. Believe me, I've been to a couple of these workshops, listened to a few of these talks, and it doesn't actually work like that. It takes more than a bit of hard work and a perfectly structured story to become a bestseller. And I have no idea how these authors manage it - is it having enough money to throw at marketing? Having the clout of the Amazon algorithms behind them? I don't know. All I know is, being an indie author like me is fast becoming exhausting. 

Some of my self-published books, all free to read with Kindle Unlimited.

I've been around since the very early days of self-publishing, and back then, I sold quite a few books on a regular basis. Because the competition wasn't anywhere near as fierce as it now. I also put my books out there to publishers, because it had always been my dream to be a published author, and I was lucky enough to be signed by an imprint of one of the biggest publishers out there. Six books later, and I was back as an indie author, and it can be BRUTAL when you're dumped by your publisher. It's literally like being ghosted. That's it. No word, no contact, and I get that, I do. I wasn't making them money, therefore I was surplus to requirements. So, yeah, I completely understand why it happened to me. I also learnt that online presence is everything when you're an author, and especially if you want an agent or a publisher to take notice of you. I honestly believe that you can write the BEST book out there, an incredible story, but if you don't have that online presence, no one is going to be interested. And me, well, I just didn't have the online presence necessary to push my books forward, because don't think for one moment that having a publisher behind you means you don't have to worry about marketing anymore. Quite the opposite. I was asked, quite freqently by my editor when a new book was released, to ask friends and family to help with the promo, leave reviews, help get the word out. What they didn't realise was that I don't have a big family, or a huge circle of friends, I am, basically, doing this alone. And that doesn't work in this world. I don't have a huge amount of confidence either, which may sound weird for someone who's quite willing to do one of the hardest things as an author, and that's put your book out there for people to read, scrutinise, and review. But, self-doubt is something that will always plague me, which is why I find navigating social media as an author, and especially as an indie author, incredibly difficult. I would love to engage and connect with other authors, but making those connections is hard for someone like me. Especially as, during the pandemic, and then the menopause hitting like a smack to the gut, I left writing behind for a couple of years. And coming back to it, it's like having to start over, from scratch, and it's been way, way harder than I thought it would be to do that. And then we have the dwindling sales. The lack of page reads. The loss of engagement with readers I used to have, it's all gone, and I have no clue how to get any of that back, so I'm just concentrating on writing more stories instead, because that's what I do. What I love to do. So, I guess that brings us back to the initial question: Is it really worth carrying on with my writing journey? In this new and much tougher landscape? As an indie author at the bottom of the pile, is it worth all the time and effort it takes to write and release a book that only a handful - if I'm lucky - people will read? The answer, for me, is yes. This is all I've wanted to do, all I've ever wanted to do. Ever since I could pick up a pencil all I've ever wanted was to write stories; be an author. It was my dream. And maybe my dream didn't turn out the way I'd hoped it might, but I've still written over 30 books. I got the chance to be traditionally published, even if that, also, didn't quite turn out the way I'd hoped. And I need to stop thinking of myself as a failure because of that, I'm still writing. And I'm good at it, yeah, that's me blowing my own trumpet for a change because, quite honestly, if I don't do it, who else will? 

My latest book, Saving Grace, is still struggling with sales and page reads.

So, to all those other, struggling, indie authors out there. Stick with it. Do what you love, keep going, for you. And most of all, the advice I was asked to give to new writers when I was doing interviews back in my trad published days, that hasn't changed: find your own voice, and learn to love it.

Michelle x